Post-Birth Story (NICU) | 2012 Edition

This was copied from my previous website. It was originally posted April 27, 2012.

Today is my son's due date. He is almost a month old.  

I read this out loud the day before I went into labor with great emotion to my unborn son. I find comfort in it every time I read it.

"Where can I go from your spirit? Where can I flee from Your presence? If I go up to the heavens, you are there; if I make my bed in the depths, you are there. If I rise on the wings of the dawn, if I settle on the far side of the sea, even there your hand will guide me, your right hand will hold me fast. If I say "Surely the darkness will hide me and the light become night around me," even the darkness will not be dark to you; the night will shine like the day, for darkness is as light to you. For You created my inmost being; You knit me together in my mother's womb. I praise you because I am fearfully and wonderfully made, I know that full well. My frame was not hidden from You when I was made in the secret place, when I was woven together in the depths of the earth. Your eyes saw my unformed body; all the days ordained for me were written in Your book before one of them came to be. How precious to me are Your thoughts God! How vast is the sum of them" Psalm 139:7-17

After giving birth, I thought that was the worst part of my hospital stay. I thought, that was so painful I am not ever doing that again. Nothing prepared me for what came next.

I was holding him after he was born and I wanted to nurse, it was always my intent to nurse within the first hour. I had heard there is a better success rate with nursing and it's of course great for the baby. The nursing staff was busy running around. I kept asking "Can I nurse him now?" I remember asking a few times. I finally got a response and I continued to ask "Can I have help?" As a new mom I had no idea what I was doing. I was confused since I had to talked to my midwife from the beginning about doing this and they said that there would be a lactation consultant available. I had no help.

They took him for his initial vitals and such. He had excellent Apgar results, but his temperature was low and so were his glucose levels. They then preceded to give him formula to help with his glucose. I didn't want him to have formula, but I just wanted him healthy.

They kept him under the heaters while we were still in the delivery room. They wrapped him up in a few layers and a hat, and we were off to the post-delivery room.

I was so exhausted I can't remember every detail of that day. I remember trying to continually nurse him with no luck. I kept mentioning it to the nurse that he wouldn't eat as we transferred rooms and when we were in the new room. He hadn't eaten in probably 5 hours. The nurse came in at that point to check his glucose. Of course it was low- he hadn't eaten. They called lab to come up since his numbers were below 40.

They tried formula feeding him again. His blood sugar was so low he didn't have the energy to do anything. He wouldn't take it. The nurse said she had to go get a feeding tube. And comes the first heartbreak of being a mom. I watched her shove that feeding tube down his throat while he choked and coughed, and then choked and coughed once again as she injected formula through it. All I wanted to do was cry, but I just tried comforting him with my voice.  

I was so exhausted I could barely keep my eyes open, but all I wanted to do was hold him because I knew he was cold. I called my mom and asked her to come back to the hospital and I needed to sleep since I hadn't slept since Saturday night. Kyle was already asleep right next to me. I dozed off.

I woke up and looked around the room. My mom was sitting quiet in the room's rocking chair rocking Hudson. For a moment I felt better. Then the nurse walked in again with a mobile crib.

"Say goodbye we need to take him to the special nursery"

Wow. Overwhelming emotion for an overtired, scared, new mom. It has taken me a couple weeks to even think about this moment in my life without crying.

My mom stood up with tears and her eyes as she kissed his forehead and walked towards me. I was doing everything I could not to breakdown. I took him in my arms which felt less than a second. Kyle had been sleeping since before the feeding tube and had just woken up. I looked at him and held our son out to him and told him to say goodbye. Then I lost it. Kyle had no idea what was going on. I had no idea that Hudson would be okay. Kyle said goodbye and they took him away. I rolled over and sobbed, blaming them for not feeding him. I fell back to sleep.

I woke up to a room full of family. I felt numb and tried to not let my emotion show. My exhaustion blocks my memory of the rest of the day. They brought in a pump for me. I was so fatigued that I can't even remember if I got to see my son that night, or if I had to wait until the next morning. I believe it wasn't until the next morning.

I was feeling a little better the next day with some sleep. I was so excited to go visit the nursery and see my son. He was in a heating incubator with an IV in his arm wrapped in tape, and machines hooked up all over him. He had scabs all over his little feet from all of the pokes. My son must have been experiencing such pain, and there was nothing I could do to comfort him. I caught this quick reflex of a smile in the photo below. It was like a small reminder that he was a fighter, and he would push through this quickly. 

I had the opportunity to hold him and feed him. He finally had an appetite. They let us come up every three hours for feeding time. His numbers slowly progressed for the better. I am so thankful for a great nursing staff. They made us feel welcome and that our son was in good hands.

They continued to poke him in his feet to check his glucose every time he ate and in-between. He was also borderline jaundice, which required filling a vile of blood every time they checked his levels. He was such a trooper and would only cry for a second. The tape was so tight around his little arm where his IV was, I could see where it was cutting into his skin.

He is such an impressive baby. I can't believe how well he did through all of his testing. It was a victory moment every time they were able to take him off of another machine. Everything finally resolved. He was in the NICU from Monday to Thursday, and we finally were able to take home a healthy little boy. He was perfect for being 4 weeks early. We are blessed it was only 4 days. We saw many sick babies there weren't able to experience a release so quickly; one being a 3 pound baby of a cancer patient. I loved being able to tell that mom how beautiful her daughter was. 

I am so thankful for a healthy, strong, little guy. He is so amazing and I can't wait to watch him grow and see his personality come through.

Birth Story | 2012 Edition

This story was transferred from my previous website. 

I love birth stories. Each one so unique. I love every gory detail- the scary and the beautiful. Here is my <first> story.

April Fool's day. My husband and I are at church and I use the restroom. Spotting. Normally something to worry about- but knowing that it runs in my family to have babies early- I couldn't wipe the silly smile off of my face. I went up to Kyle and told him. "What does that mean?"

"An early sign of labor" Could be a day, could be a week.

We had planned on going to Hudson, Wisconsin that day to take pictures. We had decided on the name Hudson just the week before. We had a strange experience at a local coffee shop- quite funny. We ate, we walked around, and we headed home.

I started having cramps that were irregular. I called my midwife and let her know about my cramping and spotting. She told me to contact her again if my "cramps" became consistent. I got off the phone with her about 8pm and immediately started recording my "cramps". I noticed right away they started out as a cramp, then the top of my stomach tightened, and then it wrapped around my back. 14 minutes apart. I recorded them for an hour and they stayed consistent. I called the midwife again- she was not too convinced I was in labor yet. She told me to get some rest and she would call back later on to check on me. I was to call her if they got close together. I was in my 36th week.

I tried to rest and relax, but excitement took over. About 12:30am, we all decided it was time to go to the hospital. I was surprised- I thought contractions would be more painful than they were. We arrived at the hospital and had a difficult time getting in. Doors locked all over and we finally got in by going through the emergency room. They got me settled into my room and checked me. 3cm dilated and it was about 1:30am.

We hung out for a little while, we had some snacks, and waited. Around 3:30am my midwife checked me again and I was still at a 3. She gave me the option of morphine to sleep, or to go home. I asked for the morphine since I was in too much pain to sleep. I think I had that injected around 4am. Kyle and I turned off the lights and tried to sleep. I remember the medicine kicking in and then having a contraction. I was thinking, Why does this still hurt? I thought this was supposed to help with the  pain. Mid-thought my water broke and I immediately had a very strong contraction. "Kyle.. Kyle.. Kyle.. KYLE" I heard a huh? out of his deep slumber and let him know he needed to get the nurse and my water broke. The nurse came in and asked me what happened. "I had a contraction and felt and explosion" She checked to confirm. It was really great sitting in that for the next couple hours. Then the fun began.

My contractions were odd. 3 in a row and a little break. They really started to hurt and I was rethinking the whole natural birth thing. The morphine was in full force. At one point, I was sitting up in the bed with my head spinning and almost fell backwards. My cloudy head made everything blur together. A cloudy head and feeling everything.

I frequented the bathroom with the baby pressing so close on my bladder. After a while I decided it was the most comfortable place for me to be. I couldn't believe how I lost all dignity. Screaming and yelling. I thought I would be the quiet type. Wrong! After groveling for some drugs to help with the pain, I was led back to the bed to be checked for my progress. 8cm. Back for another bathroom trip. I asked for drugs again. My midwife was going over a couple options to take the edge off and checked me again. 10cm, time to push. So much for my water birth. Everything progressed too quickly! I did, however, get the natural birth I wanted.

After phrases like, "I am going to die", "this will be my only child", and "I can't do this, give me something!" I started to push. I had an urge 3 times in a row and had a nice break. I remember feeling frustrated because I didn't feel like anything was moving along. In between pushing I would fall asleep.

I remember the most my conversation with the midwife. Push, push, push, sleep, ask question. My questions included "Do you have kids?" After a no response I said, "Does this scare you?" Got to love drugs that mess with your head.

I finally made progress and pushed the little guy out. Didn't even break a sweat. And oh yea- I gave birth on the toilet. I stood up as he came out and my midwife reached out and grabbed him before I did have an actual water birth. That would have been awful.

I always thought I would cry the moment I saw my child for the first time. I didn't. I just stared at him in shock and awe.

I had him in my arms as I waddled back to the bed. I continued to just stare at him until the umbilical cord was finished pulsating and Kyle cut the cord. I delivered the placenta with ease and got stitched up. Only 8 stitches thankfully!

Hudson Elek
5lb 13oz
Born at 7:05am
(Thankful for a quick labor and delivery!) 


After all of that, my birth story certainly doesn't end there. Be looking for part 2, Hudson's story.

Prayer and Your Child(ren)

I have been a prayerful person for the majority of my life. I would wake up, utter a few words, and proceed with my day. Preventative prayers, asking prayers, praising prayers- all throughout my day. They were fine, nothing wrong with them, but they were lacking depth that my soul so deeply longed for.

I would hear of these great Men and Women of God that would spend all this time in prayer, and I would just think, I want that- but what on earth happens during that lengthy amount of time!

I am very much still in the process of learning, growing, and falling in love more with this time I am spending in prayer. I tell you what though, You make a list and get started and it's hard to end. Your heart swells, your fears ease, your mind rests. It's a beautiful connection and we were designed to commune with the One who created us.

Through this journey, I'm learning to pray for my children. Not simple child-like prayers, but deep going-into-battle type prayers. My husband and I work with teenagers, and I see what they face. I was a teenager, and I know what I faced. I am called to fight for my children. Their whole being, safety, mind, body, and spirit.

Each generation has a new set of statistics, each one worse. than. the. last. There has to be hope. There has to be a firm, loving hand of guidance. I am willing to fight for the generations below me, and to not let my children become another statistic. Where can we battle the most effectively? Where can we change the trajectory of these ever-falling generations? In prayer.

I already can't believe what my kindergartener has brought home in thoughts, ideas, and speech. I am thankful he shares these new "findings" with me, so I can help him navigate through these waters. My job is to raise kind, loving, leading, God-fearing men. I can't do that on my own. I am far from qualified. I need the wisdom, the strength, the compassion, the grace, and the knowledge I can only receive from God. Who knows and loves my children better than their creator?

A couple years ago, my mom had given these prayer cards to me. She told me it was the greatest gift she could give me. They were the cards she prayed over me, and now I would have them for my own children. I placed them on my bookshelf, out of sight, out of mind... and forgotten. We moved just a few months ago, and these cards resurfaced, and were placed with my devotional material. I decided to give them a go.

Day one. Tears.

Tears, because my mother prayed these over me during a dark period of my life. Tears, because I saw God's hand answer these prayer in my life. Tears, because they were prayers I wanted spoken over my children. Timely. Powerful.

I read and prayed in agreement with these cards, one at a time, one a day. I started noticing a change in my oldest. Some issues we were dealing with, seemed to dissolve.

From time-to-time, I feel like there is a disconnect in my relationship with my oldest. He is an extrovert on steroids; I am an introverted homebody. He has more energy than the energizer bunny; I am wondering when I can take a nap next. He is a natural-born leader; and I have a tendency to be the passive follower. We regularly have a battle of the wills. It drains me, it exhausts me, and my worse tends to burst forth. I have to apologize to him more than I wish I had to. I started a prayer journal a little while back, and one day, wrote down "My relationship with Hudson". I wanted to create such a bond of love and respect while he was still young. I didn't want to lose these precious years being tired, and frustrated. I didn't want to only yell. I needed help, because I, Sara, am once again completely unqualified.

Daily I prayed, I petitioned, and God showed up. I noticed a huge change. My patience grew. My understanding grew. My attitude switched. Hudson responded beautifully to my changes. He became sweeter, more respectful, and more obedient. I came back to my prayer journal and wrote a report of praise.

Now this isn't something that sits in a state of perfection every single day. I daily need to ask for this supernatural help. I really, really, am not able to do this on my own. I am so thankful I humbled myself to ask for it.

My husband let me know that, he too, was praying. We were in agreement, and God moved.

I have had discussions with worried parents of teenagers. I've told them to pray over their belongings; play worship music in their room while they are at school. Set an atmosphere of praise; it can affect their behavior, their thoughts, their actions. Never cease in prayer. You could be the only one praying for them and battling for them in their struggles.

Parents of teenagers, I urge you to pray in urgency and consistency; for the opposition they are facing in their daily life is great.

I also have heard of so many young people that do not know how to pray. So please, don't water-down your prayers in front of your children. I have changed to speaking aloud more heart-felt prayers in front my son; my husband or I will pray before school and before bed. It is inspiring to hear, and even brought me to tears how his prayers have changed when it's his turn to pray.

God honors prayers prayed in accordance to His will. Pray scripture over them, they are His inspired words being repeated. He loves your children. He loves my children. He loves the lost, He loves the found. Pray His will over them, and you will see results. It may not be today, or tomorrow, but He will answer.

A couple of resources:

These prayer cards were written by Stormie Omartian, and were originally able to be torn out. I found what I think is the equivalent here.

Another book I love is, Praying Circles Around Your Children, by Mark Batterson. It's been a while since I've read it and I am ready for a refresher! It's a quick read, but has excellent points. You can find it here.